Who the fuck is Lemmy?

Dear Lemmy

I’m writing to you to see if I can get some good advice on something you might consider a "strange" problem. Most all the time it’s always talked about what turns women on, but god damn it, what the heck turns men on? I’m not talking about the usual tits and butts stuff, there’s gotta be more than that. Aren’t you men at all turned on by more subtle means? I’m having problems arousing my husband’s "interest" and maybe it’s because we’ve been married too darn long, but I’m not ready to throw in the towel yet, and I still want some. I just can’t seem to catch his attention with anything. I’m not really a dilly dally liking to parade around in sexy lingerie. Wondering what kind of advice you might have.

Frustrated Wife

Dear Frustrated Wife

Your problem isn’t strange at all. Most husbands grow tired of their wives at some point or another. This is what keeps the divorce lawyers in business. What turns a man on? A stunningly beautiful, barely legal teenager with a perfect body, below average IQ, preferably low self esteem and an insatiable appetite for kinky, wild sex! Just kidding.

Seriously though, there could be many reasons for your husbands lack of interest. How long have you been married? More than a couple of years and boredom can set in due to same-old, same-old. By now he can probably see you in your knickers without getting a hard-on, so you might want to reconsider your aversion to fancy underwear; to most men this is a turn-on.

And may I ask what you have done to address this problem? You say you can’t catch his attention with anything, but what have you actually tried?

My advice to you would be to get up off of your fat ass and face the problem head on. Try something new. Wake him up with a blowjob in the morning. Agree to whatever perverse activities he likes. Oh hell, I don’t know your husband, but you do! What are you asking me for? Who do you think I am, dr. Ruth? You probably know the answer anyway. If everything else fails let him fuck you in the ass, that seems to work most of the time. Or come to me and I’ll give you a good fuck. When he finds out he’ll divorce you and the problem is solved once and for all. Good luck.

Lemmy

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