Who the fuck is Lemmy?

Here’s Lemmy’s top-ten list of people he hopes get infected with genital herpes in 2006. I think the chances are good. If Condie gets it I’m pretty sure Dubya, Dick Cheney and Donald Rumsfeld will all have it within the next few days. Within a month there won’t be a herpes-free person in the White House and most Southern Baptist congregations will also be infected.

The list is in no particular order and isn’t meant to be exhaustive. Off the top of my head I can think of at least 20 other people who deserve a spot, but space is limited and you guys couldn’t care less anyway; you’re only interested in your dicks, right?

• PAT ROBERTSON:
  “Feminism is a socialist, anti-family, political movement that encourages women to leave their husbands, kill their children, practice witchcraft, destroy capitalism and become lesbians.”
  Lemmy says: So you got something against whoring communist lesbian witches who practice infanticide? Next thing you’ll say it was a mistake to give the bitches the vote in the first place and we never should have emancipated the niggers. Sweet home Alabama!
• CONDOLEEZZA RICE:
  "We need a common enemy to unite us."
  Lemmy says: And if we can’t find one, let’s make one up. Damn, things were easier during the Cold War!
• GEORGE W. BUSH:
  "Part of the facts is understanding we have a problem, and part of the facts is what you’re going to do about it."
  Lemmy says: You are the problem, ya dumb fuck! Go take a ride in an open limo in downtown Houston or something. Now that would be a solution!
• DONALD RUMSFELD:
  "Death has a tendency to encourage a depressing view of war."
  Lemmy says: And you have a tendency to encourage vomiting. Sitting on a park bench daa-da-da…
• RUSH LIMBAUGH:
  “When a gay person turns his back on you, it is anything but an insult; it’s an invitation.”
  Lemmy says: Vicodin makes you say funny things. The scary part is that millons of Americans actually take this turd seriously.
• SHAWN HANNITY:
  "Why wouldn’t anyone want to say the Pledge of Allegiance, unless they detested their own country or were ignorant of its greatness?"
  Lemmy says: Why would someone say something like this unless he was a nazi? Love it or leave it! Heil Bush!
• DICK CHENEY:
  "We will, in fact, be greeted as liberators."
  Lemmy says: Why would they great us as Liberace? Go have a massive coronary, will ya?
• ALBERTO GONZALES:
  "Who says Latinos can’t succeed in America? Look at me, I came from nothing and here I am; Georgie’s personal pet Chihuahua. I can do lots of tricks. We do not torture people. Georgie taught me that one. Was my face straight?"
  Lemmy says: Here lizard, lizard, lizard!
• BILL O’REILLY:
  "So anyway I’d be rubbing your big boobs and getting your nipples really hard, kinda’ kissing your neck from behind…and then I would take the other hand with the falafel thing and I’d just put it on your pants…"
  Lemmy says: If you ever get fired from Fox I’m sure there’s a future for you in porn.
• JESUS H. CHRIST:
  "Suck this sacrament for daddy, baby!"
  Lemmy says: There’s a reason why so many Catholic priests are pervs.

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