Who the fuck is Lemmy?

While grabbing the mail yesterday, I noticed my neighbor (the one I fucked a while back) crying while walking to her apartment – she looked a mess. Being the gentleman I am (laugh it up motherfuckers), I asked her if I could be of assistance; but of course, being that it’s 2007, bitches want to do the ‘independent woman’ thing and think they can handle shit on their own. So I didn’t persist and I went on my way.

A couple of minutes after reading my mail, I was searching for my remote control (which must have fuckin legs because that shit always disappears) when I heard knock at the door. It was my neighbor—she asked if she could come in. I wanted to turn her down honestly because I didn’t want to hear her fuckin drama, but I had nothing better to do, so I pointed her to the couch.

Instead of boring me with her depression, she asked me to kiss her. Shit, I didn’t hesitate. I went in to give her a nice juicy plant on the lips and that triggered the fuckin beast inside her. She was directing me to do shit to her (rip my blouse off, bite my nipples, etc.) throughout our sexual excursion and I followed her lead. That PinkandPerfect.com pussy of hers was so fuckin wet I know it stained my couch (fuck, I think I ran out of febreeze).

So after I gave her the fuck of her life, she said that the person she was dating turned out to be gay and she needed a real man to touch her because she felt violated by the fudgepacker. Hey, one man’s trash is another man’s whore… I was glad to clean up the trash.

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